Question: Why is there so much pain in love?
Acharya Prashant: Is there any less pain in not loving?
And if pain is what you will have, then why resists pain?
A mass of resistance we are; a mass of prejudices, likes and dislikes — that’s what we are. That is what is called as the personality. If this grows, then obviously pain grows because if this grows, then you are dividing more, then you are rejecting more, then you are discriminating more, choosing more, then you are more in expectations.
If this grows, then obviously there is pain.
If this reduces, even then, there is pain.
If this reduces, then there is pain because this mass is what we are identified with. If this reduces, then we feel that we are reducing because we have given this mass the name of “I”, the name of “myself.” So if the ego enhances, there is suffering and if the ego reduces, even then there is suffering. The worldy man is perpetually in suffering. The saint too crosses over the entire ocean of suffering. Are you getting it?
So, there is definitely pain in love.
Love is the reduction of this mass. Love is when the ego moves towards The Truth and hence reduces, dissolves. Pain will be felt but you could have complained had pain not been felt in any other situation; given the human situation, pain is inevitable and if pain is inevitable, let there be discretion in your pain.
There is no way that you can remain what you are and yet be free of pain.
Now let’s come to another angle of it:
The bigger the ego is, the more the pain translates into suffering. Pain becomes suffering via the medium of ego. The ego’s basic nature is acceptance and rejection. To accept and reject. Rejected pain is suffering. The bigger the ego is, the more pain feels like suffering. And if the ego is not so big, then even a lot of pain will not feel like a lot of suffering.
Are you getting it?
Pain is not automatically suffering; pain is translated into suffering by the medium of the ego.
So, we had said that there are two kinds of pain. When the ego grows, then there is pain and when the ego reduces, then there is pain. Now if the ego grows and there is pain, will this pain translates into a lot of suffering?
Acharya Prashant: Yes. Because the medium of the ego was needed to let the pain become the suffering. Now if the pain is precisely because the ego is growing, then there will be a lot of suffering. But if the pain is there because the ego is diminishing, then in spite of the pain, suffering will be lesser. Are you getting it?
Because you will not be resisting pain. Because you will be knowing what this pain is all about. In fact, in the depths of pain, you may come to Joy. Yes?
So if you have to choose between two kinds of pains:
One that comes from rejecting The Truth and the other that comes from following The Truth.
You must know which of these is to be chosen.
And remember, as long as you remain the chooser,you will choose only the pain that comes from rejection of The Truth.
Pain is tied to the human condition. Pain is what led the Buddha to say that, ‘Life is suffering.’ That is his first noble Truth. Life and suffering go together. If you have to have pain, choose your pain wisely and this wisdom will ensure that your pain does not become suffering.
Listener: Sir, you said that choose the pain wisely. Do we have that capability to choose the pain wisely?
Acharya Prashant:: I also said that as long as you remain the chooser, the choice will not be a wise one.
Listener 1: So, that’s a paradox.
Acharya Prashant:: That’s not a paradox. That only means that you don’t choose. If you don’t choose, automatically the right choice will happen.
Listener 2: Then, who choose?
Acharya Prashant:: Maybe this is the choice to not to choose. If you don’t choose, won’t action happen?
Listener: So, just let it flow?
Acharya Prashant:: It is already flowing. You don’t even need to let it flow.
Don’t interfere. That’s all.
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Acharya Prashant is an emerging champion of socio-spiritual awakening in the world today. An alumnus of IIT-Delhi and IIM-Ahmedabad, and a former Civil Services officer, Acharya Prashant is an acclaimed Speaker, Vedanta Teacher and author of over 50 books. Apart from that he wears various hats: a veganism promoter, an environmental activist, a science activist, a campaigner against superstition, and a champion of essential human freedom. Know More