Question: Pranaam Acharya Ji. Why do I get nervous in situations where I have to express myself, or when I have to talk to people?
Acharya Prashant(AP): What do you talk to people about?
Questioner(Q): (Questioner is a student of class 6) Anything, most of the times related to my schoolwork I guess.
AP: Say something about your school work to me.
Q: About projects etc., about what we eat in school, about non-fiction, about our fantasies.
AP: So say something about that. What do you eat in school?
Q: Unhealthy fast food.
AP: Unhealthy fast food. Tell me something about a few unhealthy fast foods.
Q: Any McDonalds' burger, or any other fast food.
AP: How does it look?
Q: Horrible. Ummm.......Big and fat.
AP: Big and fat.
Q: Yeah.....
AP: Big, fat and greasy.
Q: Yeah.....
AP: Now how nervous are you, when you are saying these things to me?
Q: Not much.
AP: Now let us say you have to say these same things to a mirror, or to a wall. To a wall you have to talk about a big man, with nobody else watching you. How nervous would you be?
Q: I wouldn't be nervous.
AP: Why? You are talking about the same thing.
(silence)
You are talking about exactly the same thing, and expressing exactly the same content, why wouldn't you be nervous when you talking to a wall or a mirror?
Q: Because nobody is watching.
AP: So then nervousness is not about speaking, nervousness is related to 'public' in public-speaking.
Q: Yes.
AP: Which means that you can get nervous in front of public even when you are not speaking, because it actually has to do with public, rather than speaking.
Right?
In certain conditions even if you are not speaking, you can become nervous, because it has to do with public rather than the speaking, or anything else.
Q: Yes.
AP: Now what is it about the public that makes you nervous?
Q: May be their comments.
AP: And why do their comments matter and mean so much?
Q: They tell me whether I am good or not.
AP: They tell you whether you are good or not, right?
Q: Yeah.....
AP: How do you know that they know you rightly?
(silence)
Who is closer to you, who knows you better - you, or that other fellow?
Q: Me.
AP: So who is it who is in a better position to know whether you are good or not?
Q: Me.
AP: Then why do you trust the other person? Who told you to trust the others, even when it comes to your own life, your own being?
Q: No one.
AP: No one, but you have learned it from somewhere. Wherever it has come from, it needs to be dropped.
There are certain matters in which others shouldn't be allowed to have any say.
When you go to a doctor, he is a subject-matter expert, so he deserves to be listened to. When an electrician comes to your house, he deserves to be listened to; he is an expert in the subject. Listen to all these experts. But there is one matter in which only you are the expert, which is your being. And the being is itself an expert about itself. You will probably understand this few years hence.
The ones who have known this Being, they have said, "It is the all knowing one, and there is nothing that can know expect it. And it knows nothing but itself."
Ah! Too complicated for you. Leave it.
Please understand that your reality is not something that anybody else can know. All the things that are external to you, like your health, your knowledge, in all these things others can be contributors or assessors, but when it comes to your deep-deep value, nobody else should be judging you. Only you can be your own judge.
And be your own good judge, strict judge.
Do not allow others to interfere in matters where they should not be coming. So if somebody tells you, "Your speech today was not good enough," alright, they can say that because they are commenting on your speech, and speech is an external thing. But if somebody says, "You are not good enough," do not listen to them, because now they are not commenting on your speech, they are commenting on your being; and being is not an external thing.
Probably a listener holds the right to tell you whether or not your speech is good enough. You were talking of public-speaking, right?
A listener holds the right to comment on the quality of your speech, but no listener holds the right to comment on the quality of your being. Invite all feedbacks, learn from various sources, but even as you learn from various sources, never allow anybody to make you feel small or big.
People are entitled to comment to comment on your speech, on your looks, on your clothes, on your marks, because all these things are external to you. Let them tell you,"Your marks are not good." Alright. But if they tell you, "You are not good," don't listen to them.
They may tell you that a painting you made was not worthy enough, and that is alright. They may tell you that a painting that you made was not worthy enough, that is okay, but let them not tell you that - "You are not worthy enough."
Will you be able to make this distinction?
Do not be so dependent on others to know who you are, or to know how you are doing, and then you will not be nervous when you are facing them. All your nervousness is because of dependency. The more you are dependent on others for your own self-worth, the more you will be afraid of others. So don't be dependent for your self-worth on others.
You are good enough, you are already good enough. Your actions might sometimes not be up to the mark, but that does not mean that 'you' are not up to the mark. Right? Actions can be improved, but the day you start taking the self that needs improvement, you will unnecessarily cultivate a lot of inferiority. There is no need for any of that.
So next time they applaud your speech, do not take that applause seriously. And the next time they criticise your speech, do not take that very seriously. Just accept the bare facts.
If they say, "You were not loud enough," accept that you were not loud enough. Just take all criticism, all appreciation as objective feedback; nothing more than that.
Don't be too serious about that.
