AP: How can one be aware of ones’ hidden motives in seemingly chance meetings with persons of the opposite sex?
Meetings, events are by chance. But the motive is not by chance. The events are sporadic, episodic! But the motive is a continuity, a permanent presence. It is like a hungry beast prowling about. Whether or not it would meet a lamb, or a deer, or a rabbit, is a matter of chance. But the beasts’ intentions are not a matter of chance.
The intention is permanently there during the prowl. The eyes are full of that intention. Now whether or not this intention gets fructified, is another matter. It depends on whether the chance meeting take place and it depends upon whether the object that you meet, is prepared to be a victim of that chance. But the intention is always there. That intention will keep showing up in every action that we do. Not only in the meetings, even before the meeting. If this (pointing to a direction…) does not satisfy you, this (pointing to another direction) does not satisfy you and this does not satisfy you, then obviously you are looking for something other than all this.
So, even if, a person of opposite gender is not available, you have sufficient ground to know what you are looking for. Nothing else seems to quench your thrust. Nothing else fills up your mind. The beasts’ mind is full of flesh. Even before it meets the deer! Is it not?
That deer is just one individual manifestation of the broad category of animals having flesh! Right? Whether that one sample presents and exhibits itself, might be a matter of chance. But the general concept of flesh, the general idea and desire of flesh is always present irrespective of the particular incident of flesh that will present itself to you. The deer is just one incident of flesh. Is it not? But flesh-ness itself is the permanent place in the mind. Know this that if you are a seeker of material then it is flesh that you are after. Consciously you might not even know that but if material attracts you a lot, then sooner than later you will find yourself in the throes of flesh. Are you getting it?
You might just say, “Well, no I am not looking for flesh, I am looking for money. I am looking for material success. I am looking to have another factory. I am looking to have bigger house with better furniture.” You might talk of material things other than flesh but all material is necessarily and organically linked to flesh. A material lover would take very little time turning into a flesh lover. And if you are a flesh lover, in the peak of your youth, then as your youth subsides, you will find that the charm for flesh is making way for the addiction of material.
Those who want decorated bodies when they are young, they are mostly the ones who are crazy for the decorated houses, ones they reach forty or fifty. Both of these wants are one. When you are twenty, you want to touch and feel somebody’s body. When you are fifty, then you want to touch and feel an expensive bed, printed walls, large balance sheets, cars with expensive leather seats.
What do you think, is the tendency different when you are caressing the silken body of your beloved and when you are feeling the leather seats of your new car, do you know how sensual is the experience of entering a new car with new leather seats? The entire cabin is full of the scent of the leather. Have you ever done that? Buy a new car with new leather seats and then enter it, experience in its depths if you bother to enquire. It’s actually erotic. You are smelling leather that is so very similar to sex.
So you do not need to know the ways to your encounters with women to know whether you are sexually motivated. Just see whether leather seats attract you. Just see whether furniture, and garments, and carpets, and wall hangings, and curtains, and sofa-sets attract you! Just see whether you are fascinated by the glitz and the decoration and the jazz of a five star hotel. What do you think that five star hotel is? It actually represents the glamour of the body! It is decorated like the bride.
You know who a bride is? Someone who is now prepared to have sex. That is how finely, heavily and distastefully decorated a five star hotel is. Like a bride! So if you love to be in those places, you must know that sooner or later, you will be chasing women. That is why when dropping happens, both these things get dropped parallelly. All sensual attractions are one. If you have lost the taste of flesh of a woman, how will you maintain you taste for flesh of chicken? They will get dropped parallelly. And you see that happening, right? That is real renunciation.
Real renunciation doesn’t consist of targeted dropping. It is spontaneous dropping of that within you that used to stick around. It was so hungry, it wanted to consume all kinds of things. It wanted to consume chicken, it wanted to consume leather, it wanted to consume decoration, it wanted to consume prestige, and it wanted to consume man and woman. When the propensity to consume gets dropped, when you start abiding in your inner fullness, then all kinds of consumption lose their sheen.
Situations that titillate, will not attract you. As much as food that titillates the palate, will cease to attract you. The value that you used to attach to the titillation, itself drops. You know it is not valuable and when it is not valuable, it is not valuable in totality. It is not without reason, when you call a new car as sexy! It is indeed nothing but sexy! And those who are designing the car, take all pain to actually make it sexy. Sexy is not just a euphemism, it is the reality of the design of the car. So many products are actually modeled on female bodies. And so many products are actually modeled after falace .
The curves of an attractive car are not very different from the curves of a seductive woman. That is why you call the car as sexy! The glean, the shine, that you see on the face of an ornamented woman, who has taken all due care to coat, and paint, and polish, and shine her face is not very different from the coat and paint and shine that you see on the surface of a consumer product. It could be a refrigerator, it could be the wall of the house, it could be a historical monument, it could be a computer! The shine is similar. When you lose your taste for shiny stuff, then all these products, objects drop simultaneously! Because now you do not value the shine itself! You value something else. Something else that is real! Something else that is more life giving! Something else that is actually good for you and the entire universe.
So, you don’t have to wait for your encounters with women, just look at your life in general – what attracts you? If material attracts you, sooner than later, women too would be a dominant factor in your life. And if you are chained to women, then sooner than later you will have to go after material also. That is why people start earning more aggressively and more helplessly after marriage. Because ones the material in the form of women enters your life, it calls for more material. In either case, for you, the woman was just material that you were bringing home for consumption. Now that the tendency has started working, you will consume material in all ways, in the form of flesh and also in the form of other things.
So, don’t you see what happens? The level of consumption that you will find in wedded people will be more than consumption you will find amongst those who are not. And also the patterns of the consumption will be different. Are you getting it? Even to consume, you require more consumption. If you are single, you can probably sleep on the floor. But if you want to consume a woman, you will also have to consume a bed. So now you have brought the woman home, go get a good bed also! Otherwise why have you firstly brought the woman home? It was not enough for firstly, right? She is in your life because you want to consume her.
If the computer is there, you better get the UPS as well. If the car is there, you better get the garage as well. So have you married, now get a 3bhk flat! The car is there, now buy the garage. Where else will you park the car or the cow? Ask yourself! Would you be equally anxious to buy a flat, if you didn’t have that flesh in your life?
Consumption promotes further consumption. So, if you are already addicted to one form of consumption, know that many other forms of consumption are just waiting to leap into your life. You cannot avoid them. If today you are buying pretty sandals for your beloved, for sure tomorrow you would be buying milk bottles for the infant. Consumption begets more consumption! One kind of consumption leads to another kind of consumption. Material is material and all flesh is material.
If today you are spending on wedding, is it not certain that tomorrow you would be spending on child-birth? In-fact people are wise. Once they have a man or a woman in their life, they actually know that many other little persons are now going to enter in their lives. So they plan in advance. Let’s have a house that has two spare rooms. Chunnu and Munnu are already there, they are just invisible! They are right now in their subtle forms. Very soon they will take gross form and come.
We all are very spiritual people, fundamentally you see. We know how the subtle manifests itself into the gross. At the time of wedding, Chunnu and Munnu are both the manifest! The great unseen and invisible! Very soon, they will become manifest. They will take avatar. So you better have temples for them in advance. So two spare rooms are already there.
It is a net. It doesn’t matter which particular knot you get caught in. If you are caught, you are caught in the entire net. Those who avoid, therefore avoid totally. You cannot get partially caught. In-fact, to be partially caught is a deeper hell. If you are caught, you better be fully caught!
Either you are out or totally in! You cannot have the tendency to be caught yet remain only partially caught. It will be a matter of time.
Complete bondage and total slavery will be your lot. Do not try to be free of particular objects. If you want freedom, be free of the tendency to not to be free. Trying for freedom from certain objects is like trying to ward off infections. When your real problem is lack of immunity. How many pathogens, how many bacteria and viruses would you keep away? Sooner than later, someday, something, someone will penetrate. Your defenses are not that full proof. If you don’t have immunity, even one incident of a pathogen will be enough to take you to death. So when your problem is lack of immunity, don’t fight the outwards! Take care of the inside. Drop the lack of immunity. Drop the fear of freedom. Drop the attraction towards slavery. Are you getting it?
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Acharya Prashant is an emerging champion of socio-spiritual awakening in the world today. An alumnus of IIT-Delhi and IIM-Ahmedabad, and a former Civil Services officer, Acharya Prashant is an acclaimed Speaker, Vedanta Teacher and author of over 50 books. Apart from that he wears various hats: a veganism promoter, an environmental activist, a science activist, a campaigner against superstition, and a champion of essential human freedom. Know More